Mercury goes direct on today. I can't help it, you can't help it so we might as well prepare for the goodness to come. Before we move onto greener pastures, however, I'd like to take this time to look at what retrograde Mercury has taught me. It's lessons went beyond the July to August timespan wherein Mercury slid into Leo; in fact, this retrograde season had me looking one year into the past to help in deciphering my future.
This is what I look like. By most accounts I appear: happy, stable and even a little handsome. This picture was taken on August 20, 2017. That's only one day away. When I look at this picture I feel a sense of remorse, a regret for something I feel I've lost, a light dimmed.
You see when this photo was taken I was preparing to start my own business.
On top of that: I was shooting a movie, writing music, learning about social media marketing, exercising and everything in between that (eating, sleeping, and even socializing). If you couldn't tell; I was a busy guy.
At least that's what I used to tell myself. I was busy and amongst other things I was: tired, angry, depressed, and lonely.
At times I would be neutral or even happy, but most of the time I felt consumed by a melancholic blues. Just about everyday I saw some portion of my gloom projected outwards. Colors were weaker, events no longer phased me, and life just became dull. Steadily, I was losing my zest for anything productive and began to backslide into destructive habits.
It was a dark place and there are still things I'm overcoming today, though, not nearly as encroaching. Eventually, I had to stop everything because I could no longer continue. I had run myself into the ground and now I had to suffer for it.
This was the talk for the next several months: "I did it again", "I can't learn anything", and "I'm so stupid". It all came crashing down around my nicely maintained facade. This time was "final", I told myself. I would never recover from this nor try to make anything of myself ever again. I felt defeated, deflated, and downright dumb.
And for awhile I believed it.
I woke up. Went to work. Ate and slept. That's all I did. For almost a month.
Then, I slowly began to have ideas again. Visions that would pop up from time-to-time. In my past state, they were nothing to pay attention to, just ghosts from the past. My persistent negative chatter made sure to destroy any vestige of happiness that grew in my mind.
I let it happen. I let the self-pity define me and orchestrate my entire destiny. The days grew longer, the nights more unbearable; then the days would be short and the nights pleasant. I was on a roller coaster and I couldn't even feel where I was, much less tell anyone.
Oh yeah. I kept everything within. My pride wouldn't dare let me inform anyone on what I was feeling. I felt my destiny was my responsibility (and I was right), but I was missing an important element of life: compassion. I had no care for myself. I didn't care if I ate (my weight began to drop), I would skip showers often and not brush my teeth for days.
No matter how hard I tried I couldn't see the point of anything. Except, I could. Every now and then I would experience something I'd almost forgotten; I would experience life. A conversation with the family around or a blissful moment on a drive or actual laughter. Soon, I found a beacon of certainty. The more my mood descended, the more I began to delve into the things I always wanted to do.
I started boxing for exercising and writing to express my thoughts. I got in a couple of relationships and made some headway on my tarot business. I lost my job, but it was all looking up from here. That was when I felt the presence of the planets taking hold. This was also when I started getting into astrology.
It started with the Tarot and how the planetary configurations affected the message of the cards. Soon, I was making star charts and relearning the seven planets. It was like being in grade school again and I was beginning to feel alive once more.
My study into astrology brought me a peace of mind I haven't experienced in any other field. It has granted me access to worlds I couldn't even imagine before. What once seem impossible now appeared tangible and real. There was a way to show and map my idiosyncrasies in an understandable way.
I had hope again.
There was no reason to think how my life couldn't be in order. The more I learned of transits, aspects, and other orientations; the more the clutter of my mind cleared. In a matter of weeks, my perception changed from a self-deprecating dot to a galactic supermind. The works of Nassim Haramein, the Buddha, and the art of yoga provided me a raft to wade in my watery emotions.
The spiritual components of the tantric art of meditation and yoga met with the scientific inquiry of Haramein. Suddenly, the dots were connecting. More and more. A framework was revealing itself before my eyes. Things in my life transformed from barriers to stepping stones.
All during this time I didn't realize that my ruling planet (Mercury) was sliding into its retrograde phase. I had no idea of planetary movements at all. I mean, I knew they moved, but as far as going backwards and celestial bodies interacting with one another, I was as lost as a doorknob.
Around this time people from my past started appearing in my life; people I thought I'd never see again and people I would've preferred never setting eyes again for the rest of my life. There were some negatives to go along with the positives, but it was all dynamic. Each day steadily gained vigor and surprise: I didn't know what to expect.
How this new vision would impact me was something I could never predict. It is also something you'll have to check out in part 2 of this article.
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